My life got flipped, turned upside down.

It's crazy how your whole life can change forever in a matter of hours.

On February 26, 2013 I saw him as a free man for the last time... We fought that morning about him needing to get proof he hadn't robbed the one in Farmington, he seemed like he had all the time in the world and that upset me because I ws so stressed wanting him to be proved innocent. We exchanged I love yous and goodbye, but they were rittled with anger... That's the very last time I ever saw the man I thought I'd spend the rest of forever with as a free man. I'll never get over the fact that we fought and how our final goodbye wasn't how I would have like. Although I had no idea any of this would ever happen, I wish I had said a better goodbye like I always tried to since I know how fast people can be taken away from you.

We talked a few times through out the day. He said he'd gotten his recipt saying he'd been at his bank at 5:32 proving he couldn't have robbed the one in Farmington. I was so relieved. He said he was going to school to talk to his teachers and stuff. I believed him. I ran to costco for milk and Matie an outfit. I talked to him on the way home and he said he was about to leave school so we'd get home about the same time. He wasn't there when I got home, but he's always late so I didn't think anything of it.

I went to papa murphy's and got my family some dinner, I tried calling him to see what he wanted, but as usual he didn't answer. Me, my parents, and Matie were eating and watching TV when I got the call that changed my life forever. He said he had been arrested and that he'd tell me more when he got into the jail. Little did I know he was actually at the hospital cause he wrecked pretty back fleeing. My dad and I were watching the news waiting for him to call back and watching a story on my brother's friend when a story of a bank robbery came on. I didn't pay much attention to it because I was freaking out about him. I remember kind of listening to the details and thinking, at least that's not him. Boy was I wrong.

He finally called at like 1 am. At first he denied everything as he always does, but after me yelling and crying he came clean about pretty much everything. 2 banks. My husband, the man I wanted to spend forever with, the man I wanted to have children with, had robbed 2 banks. He had also carjacked a family from their car and then wrecked it while fleeing. I couldn't think straight. I sat there in shock not knowing what to do or say. I cried for a long time. He cried too. He told me he had started using again and was desperate.

My parents went up and got my mom's car which he had driven up there. Inside they found his backpack with his passport and birth certificate and stuff. He had planned to leave the country... Without me...

To this day I still don't have complete closure and I know I never will because I can never trust anything he tells me. All I know is that while I will always love him, I am no longer in love with him. I hurt the most for him because he threw his life away because of drugs... And I hurt most for his daughter who I loved as my own, who I watched grow for 4 years, who I'll never see again...

The victims advocate told me he's facing 20-life for the last robbery since he had a gun. It went to the FBI and now he won't serve his time here in Utah.

I'll never be the same again. I'm now stronger, wiser, more mature, and more suspicious of people, but especially men. I don't know if I'll ever get married again, everyone tells me I will and stuff, but in all honesty, I don't think I want to. It was only 8 months, but that marriage took everything out of me and I can't do that again. But it's not up to me. It's up to God. So we will see what happens...

Sorry this post was so long, but it's the first time I've ever truly wrote things out and it feels great! My other postings will not be this long! Lol.

Well have a great day everyone!

Love,
 Amber.