You're Just A Memory Now...

Sometimes I miss us being best friends. Sometimes I miss you always being here. Sometimes I want to write you and try to make things like they use to be. But then I remember. Remember how you turned on me. How you lied to my face. How you lied about me. How you dragged my name through the mud. How even when I tried to help you, you turned it around on me and made me the bad guy! How no matter how much I did for you, it was never enough! How even when I tried to salvage our friendship once before you turned on me again! And last but not least, I remember how when my life was falling apart and needed you most, you wouldn't be there for me! So instead I'll just miss you from time to time and let the moment pass quickly and then go one with my life surround by people who actually love and care about me. All you'll ever be, is a memory, and that's all you deserve to be.

How One Song Changed Everything...

 As most people who know me know, on February 26, 2013 my husband of 7 1/2 months was arrested for robbing multiple banks. I thought that my life was over. But somehow I made it through.
 The past year and a half has been a major struggle with depression and self hatred. In December I had a bit of a break down.
 It was right before Christmas and as much as I didn't want to, I was missing my ex-husband. I felt like no matter how hard I worked at my job I wasn't going anywhere. I also felt like I wasn't going anywhere in life. My family was also starting the adoption process for my foster brother and I knew there was a chance his birth mom would still end up getting him back. (She did because of our stupid supreme court, but that's a story for another time.)
 So in December my mind started going to a very dark place. Thinking of ending it all. Thinking my family and friends would be better off if I wasn't around to drag them down. Also every negative thing my ex-husband ever said to me kept ringing in my head. I was very close to giving up.
 Then one day I was on a social media site and saw a link, this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkc6QgjbYyI. The song was a Wrecking Ball cover, the band, Our Last Night. I instantly fell in love with them and started listening to all their songs on YouTube. Then I came upon a song that had such a profound effect on me, that I never knew music could affect a person that much. (And yes I've had music affect me pretty heavily before, but never like this.)
 The song was Sunrise. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlScrMv7Pd8. And while it is a song about anti-bullying, it's very much a suicide prevention song. While listening to this song I broke down! I let everything pour out of me inside my tears. And after the song was over, I felt at peace! I finally realized I had to keep moving on and that I needed to make the most out of my life by living it to the fullest!
 Now I share this song every chance I get. I show it to anyone and everyone who will listen to it! And I plan on going to schools and start talking about bullying and suicide prevention. And I will use this song in my talk.
 Today, even though I'm going through the hardest time in my life, even harder than when my husband was arrested, I listen to this song to keep going. I know I can always "Make It To The Sunrise" no matter how hard it gets.
 I ask all of you reading this, to please check out this song and share it so others who are needing it can hear it. And that could possibly save a life!
 And if by some miracle Trevor, Matt, Woody, or Tim are reading this. Thank you. You will never understand the level of gratitude I feel. You guys are amazing! I love you all! Haha.

Thanks for reading everyone. I love you. Please remember, "You can make it to the sunrise!"

Love,
Amber